Yesterday, I left you contemplating some questions. Today, I want draw your attention to God’s Word and paint for you an original picture of God’s intention for marriage and “pure sex”:
The Bible: Here’s the strange thing, the Bible, the book that guides you (hopefully), is usually regarded as anti-sex and anti-sexual pleasure (or at least barely tolerant of it). But the Bible actually supports this sex and pleasure within the proper structure. The problem is, our view of sexual intimacy has been so jarred by our culture, that we have a hard time seeing any of that in the Bible, and think that our only outlet of “good” and “exciting” sexual pleasures are only found when it’s done in a “sinful” manner. “It’s exciting to look at porn…it’s a rush…it satisfies us!” Let’s take a minute to unpack what the Bible says about sexual pleasure and then we’ll hit five points of application that I think will help you in your battle with sexual sin.
Where did sex originate and what is its purpose?: Sex originated in Genesis so let’s look there to layout a proper biblical view of sex, marriage and relationships, then we’ll tap into what’s holding us back:
1:27: So God created man (generic) in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female (specific) he created them.
The Hebrew words for male and female are better translated as “the piercer” and “the pierced”; I’ll let you decide which one means male and female! These words are definite references to the human sex organs. The very next command, God says this:
1:28a: And God blessed them. And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth…”
So procreation is a major purpose of sex and we read in verse 31, that it was very good! Now if you notice at the end of verse 25, all of creation up until that point God said was “good”; but after God made male and female, He stepped back, looked at what He had created and ordained, and said, “Behold, it was “very good”.
Chapter 2 is not another creation account, rather it is a detailed description of the creation of man and woman as it occurred on the 6th day of creation. In Gen. 1:27, marriage was in the presence of God between Adam and Eve. In Genesis 2:24-25, the author describes the process of the couple becoming one and how that happens.
Genesis 2:18-25: 18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” 19 Now out of the ground the Lord God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. 20 The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. 21 So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. 22 And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. 23 Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” 24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. 25 And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.
Let’s make some basic observations from these texts:
1. All this was created before the entrance of sin, so sex is a very good thing between a man and a woman whom God has made one (in a covenantal relationship); it’s not sinful.
2. God made a woman to be a helper for the man (not, daddy’s little helper, and not someone to help you get an orgasm) but rather in the same fashion as Psalm 54:4: Behold, God is my helper; the Lord is the upholder of my life.
3. God made one woman for Adam, He didn’t create 30 women and run them by Him like He did the animals and have him pick the one he liked the most. God intends for a man and a woman to have one partner in their life; not multiple. This is why porn is destructive. A man can have thousands of partners who have his heart and now his wife is sharing her husband with many women. No wonder marriages suck!
4. This leads us to our fourth point, God intended that man’s standard of beauty be the woman that he marries. Before you get married, you need to pray about who it is that God wants you to marry and it better not be only based on how she looks, because if it is, she will change after children and age and you will want to find someone else who looks like the woman you married earlier.
So the man’s standard of physical beauty was meant to be his wife and change as his wife changes. If your wife is short, you like short. If your wife is large, that means you like large. You may say, “what if she used to be skinny?” “then you don’t like skinny right now!” Got it!! Be content with what you have. Godliness plus contentment equals great gain Paul says. Do you have entitlement issues? Do you think you deserve certain things in life? Check your heart on this one.
5. God created a man and a woman. Two different genders with two separate parts. God has always intended for marriage to be between a man and a woman. God did not create another man for Adam and then a woman and give Adam the choice. If that was the way God intended things to be, then it was no fair for Adam. But that’s not how it was intended to be. Any kind of sexual relations outside of a covenantal marriage between a man and a woman is destructive and wicked.
6. Finally, a man was meant to leave his mother and his father and become one with his wife and hold fast to her. That means he moves out of his parents home and stops being a mama’s boy. He grows up. He acts like a man and leads, loves and protects her; and the woman expects him to. The two become one and share life together unlike any other relationship in their lives. Are you sharing life with your wife, or are you hiding things in your life with her? Are you holding fast to her, or your own selfish sexual desires?
We observed all that to convince you that God created sex and meant for it for good, very good! He wants you to enjoy your wife, deeply and intimately, and her you. He wants you make each other feel secure with sex. He wants to take away other temptations with sex with your spouse. He wants sex with your spouse to be a reflection of His great beauty and enjoyment.
But any sexual pleasure outside of the covenantal context of marriage between a man and a woman is working towards destruction and will never give you the desired result you are looking for in your sin and lack of self control and fear of God. God created sex. Play by His rules or you will pay. You will be held accountable and you’ll never find what you want.
Jeremiah 2:13: “for my people have committed two evils: they have forsaken me, the
fountain of living waters, and hewed out cisterns for themselves, broken cisterns that
can hold no water.”
Sexual sin is drinking water from another well that you dug yourself instead of drinking water from the source of purified water; if you do that you’ll get sick because the water is not clean. Some of you will say, so, but it’s still water, what’s the difference. Well, you tell me, is there ever a problem with getting something that you like from a different source. Say, peanuts, I love peanuts, but I would never eat peanuts from a turd when I could just go to the store and get them in a nice, clean, new bag, or even in a Snickers. Peanuts were not meant to be eaten from turds. They were meant to be eaten only once. You tracking with me?
Tomorrow we will unpack five practical ways that you can break the stronghold of sexual immorality in your life.